Graduating from the kids’ table

This is how Martha does it.

My mother has two sisters, and all three of them like to cook. Historically, when our family has gotten together for holidays, members of the younger generation have been exiled from the kitchen. If we were lucky we were allowed to arrange cheese and crackers on a plate, but for the most part, we weren’t allowed to participate in the cooking.

My sister and I feel we’ve proven ourselves over the years, and this Thanksgiving we’d like to contribute. In a couple of weeks we’re all heading out to Napa, CA where we’re spending Thanksgiving with my aunt and uncle. For the first time ever, my sister and I will be equal contributors to the menu. I’m responsible for the stuffing, greens, and some kind of dessert; my sister will be doing sweet potatoes with goat cheese and a Pumpkin Ginger Cheesecake Pie with Gingersnap Crust.

But that’s not our only innovation! Check out our other Thanksgiving Upgrades:

• Breaking All the Rules: We decided to fly on Thanksgiving day in order to save money on flights. We’re having our T-giving dinner on Friday. This is a great strategy to employ if your family members are flexible about dates.
• Like that Episode of The Golden Girls: After we arrive on Thursday, we’re going straight to a shelter where we’ll help serve meals.
• Going Local: We’re going to swing by a Farmer’s Market on Friday morning to pick up fresh, local ingredients for our dinner.
• I’m Thankful For…Day Spas: We made appointments for manicures, massages and facials for the day after our Thanksgiving meal. I honestly can’t think of anything better.

I think the younger generation is bringing a lot to the table this year, both literally and figuratively. I’m glad to be joining the ranks of the grown-ups…but I’m still probably not going to brush my hair.

See more entries about Holidays in 2009.

I Made It Myself: Caramel Apples (FAIL)

I Made It Myself is a series where I document my attempts to cook food that I would normally pay someone else to make, or buy in a package.

This edition of IMIM has inspired me to coin a new term: Carapster. This is short for Caramel Apple Disaster. Because this is what happened when I tried a new-fangled recipe that seemed more in keeping with the goal of this series than just melting a bunch of Kraft caramels on the stove:

How do you like them apples? (Not so much.)

Obviously, I did something wrong. I may not have used enough cream, honey, or salt (the only ingredients!), or I may not have gotten the caramel hot enough, or maybe I didn’t cool it quickly enough, or maybe this is the universe’s way of punishing me for not paying attention in Chemistry class junior year. No matter the reason, the bottom line is, the caramel was more interested in the wax paper than the apples.

In order to make myself feel better, I’ve made this list.

Things I’m Better at Doing Than Making Caramel Apples:

• Spelling
• Checking my email
• Appreciating nuance
• Giving hugs
• Eating caramel apples

Hug a Stranger: Scavenger Hunt Inspiration

Check out this birthday scavenger hunt list produced by a creative friend-of-a-friend, Kira.

What I like about this list:

• It speaks to our deepest hopes and dreams. See “Rap battle a stranger” and “Arm wrestle a senior citizen.”
• It’s topical. See “Lady Gaga or Beyonce memorabilia.”
• It recognizes the occasion. See several references to Kira, Kira’s birthday, Kira’s age, and the year Kira was born.
• It allows for strategic thinking by assigning weighted point values to each item and task.
• It has a twist. “Bonus items/tasks will be sent via text message throughout the night.”
• Kira understands that scavenger hunts are enhanced by an adorable bunny mascot.

Team Billie Jean Jacket does the "Thriller" dance with some passers-by. 50 points. Cha-ching!

Halloween: A Night for Nerds

Last night I looked like this:

I didn't make arm holes, in order to preserve the integrity of the costume. I suffer for my art. You're welcome.

It’s a pretty simple costume to make. You just need a box; nine squares each of red, orange, yellow, white, green, and blue paper; and some black electrical tape. The place I went to buy paper didn’t have a good blue, so I only had five colors to work with. This meant I had to be “solved.”

My favorite line of the night was when a guy on the street said to me, “I’ll never figure you out.”

On a related note…this is awesomesauce:

h/t adam

Ask the Expert: 80s Video Night

I dare you to watch this video and then try to remember the song two minutes later. It's actually impossible. That's how forgettable it is.

Ask the Expert is a series where I interview friends and others who are experts in a particular party concept.

For this edition, I interviewed my favorite music producer, Little Pioneer, about how to host an 80s video night. So break out your leg warmers and Rubik’s Cubes, grab a can of Tab, and cozy up to your VHS player. The plot lines may be weak, but the hairspray is strong.

Everybody’s Invited!: There are so many amazing 80s videos to choose from. How do you know which videos to screen at an 80s video night?

Little Pioneer: I feel my duty is twofold: to entertain, but also to educate. I like to mix up the fun favorites with the more obscure and unknown. One time I printed out the track lists of all the DVD compilations I have and let everyone choose their top three. But then I just took over and blew minds.

EI!: In your opinion, what exactly is it that makes 80s videos so special?

LP: The 80s were a time of experimentation in music (synthesizers finally became affordable) and also in video, which made for many amateurish but exciting works. When record companies realized videos could help sell records they forced every artist to make videos even though many were not naturals in front of the camera. Looking back twenty years, what was intended to be “poignant” often seems funny, “funny” seems surreal, “sexy” looks sexist, “badass” looks lame, and so on. I consider 1980-1986 to be the golden era – video directors and artists seemed to have gotten more comfortable by then so most of the naivete was gone.

EI!: That’s really interesting. What kind of food should one serve at an 80s video night? I’m thinking pop rocks.

LP: Yes, but not as a main course. For that maybe cheese doodle balls.

EI!: What do you recommend for party decor?

LP: Empty pizza boxes strewn across the floor, Ouija boards, plenty of pillows for fights, and mylar balloons (Editor’s note: Make sure your six-year-old isn’t hiding in one).

EI!: Seriously, what is the video for “Total Eclipse of the Heart” about?

LP: It’s an allegory for the triumph of the human spirit. It’s also Bonnie Tyler’s commentary on boarding school.

EI!: Which ten videos would make your Best 80s Videos list?

LP: Perhaps not the “best” by any stretch, but these are some of my lesser known faves:

• Miami Sound Machine – Bad Boy. Reason to watch: Humans dressed as cats plus all the sexual innuendo that implies.
• Jermaine Jackson and Pia Zadora – When the Rain Begins to Fall. Reason to watch: Epic fail.
• Nelson – After the Rain. Reason to watch: Matthew and Gunnar save a life.
• Scritti Politti – Absolute. Reason to watch: The guy in the blue hat. Also…everything else.
• Commodores – Sail On. Reason to watch: The Disneyland green screen production values. And Lionel. (This video was made in 1979, but I’m including it because this list needs more sequins.)
• Meatloaf ft. Cher – Dead Ringer for Love. Reason to watch: Rock n’ roll and brew.
• Wham! – Club Tropicana. Reason to watch: George Michael’s rat tail.
• Vanity – Pretty Mess. Reason to watch: For the thiny veiled sexual innuendo, and for the shoulder pads.
• Loverboy – Lovin Every Minute of It. Reason to watch: Loverboy’s attempt at a hair metal video. Plus, Jenilee Harrison from Three’s Company is in it.
• Quarterflash – Harden My Heart. Reason to watch: Rindy Ross’s unitard and the mini Rindys.

What should I be for Halloween?

Here’s what I have:

• A medium-length blond wig
• Glasses or contacts
• Regular clothes
• A small budget
• A desire to stay warm

Here are my ideas so far:

Penny from Inspector Gadget

Kelly from the "Shoes" video on YouTube

Audrey from "Little Shop of Horrors"

Thoughts? Other ideas?

Floral, Bitter, Smooth: Tips for organizing a tasting party

Sometimes you probably want to eat a box of chocolates or drink an entire bottle of wine by yourself. When this happens, you might organize a tasting party instead. This way you can use words like “sophisticated” and “fancy” instead of “pathetic” and “worrisome” to describe what is essentially the same event.

Here’s how to do it:

• Choose a food. There’s no such thing as too much wine, cheese, or chocolate, so those are all good choices. The main criteria, though, is just that the food must come in several varieties, so hummus, salsa, coffee, beer, olives, yogurt, and pudding would all also work.
• Collect your samples. Ask a sommelier, fromagier, chocolatier, yogurteer, puddingologist, or other food professional for help. It’s a good idea to choose a variety of samples to reflect the full spectrum of flavors, colors, textures, etc.
• Decide if it’s a blind tasting. Some people argue that seeing the label will influence the tasters, so you ought to do a blind tasting in the interest of fairness. Other people are more easygoing about life.
• Serve small portions. Smaller than you think. Even smaller than that.
• Provide appropriate accompaniments, accoutrements, and palate cleansers. Water, crackers, bread, and crudites are good possibilities. I don’t have any ideas for what to serve with pudding. Maybe pop tarts.
• Provide note-taking sheets with a glossary of terms. Do a little research on what attributes are used to measure the quality of the particular food item, including terms to describe appearance, aroma, texture and taste. Wine might be “oaky.” Chocolate can have a “crisp snap.” Cheese is sometimes “buttery.” Pudding occasionally tastes “like plastic.”

Tips for tasters:

• Show up hungry and pace yourself.
• If you want to impress people, loudly and emphatically state how much you dislike one of the varieties. Impressive people have strong dislikes.
• To sound knowledgeable, use the word “mouthfeel.”

Enjoy!

40-80% cacao. 100% delicious.

This is how we roll. 2009 Battle of the Bagel.

Curd you imagine a better whey to spend teatime? (Ugh...so lame.)

Ask the Expert: Halloween Costumes

Ask the Expert is a series where I interview friends and others who are experts in a particular party concept.

For this entry, I’ve interviewed one of my oldest and best friends, Cady Miller, who, with her husband Chad, never fails to produce an awesome Halloween costume. See below for her thoughts on offensive costumes, staying warm, and honoring celebrities we lost this year.

Everybody’s Invited!: Scary, sexy or funny. How does one decide?

Cady Miller: Personally I think funny or ‘accurate’ Halloween costumes are the way to go. I think sexy has it’s place but only if it’s a part of a specific character that’s known for that trait. For example, if you want to be sexy on Halloween, go as Jessica Rabbit or Barbarella rather than a ’sexy’ version of Raggedy Ann or Alice and Wonderland (these are better if you do them accurately in my opinion). Halloween should not *just* be a time for repressed people to let it all out – that’s what Mardi Gras and Spring Break are for.

EI!: Oh no! It’s October 30th and I don’t have a costume! What should I do?

Thrift store Pippi (with gaucho friend)

CM: Of course it’s best to prepare ahead of time, but a successful Halloween costume can be done the weekend or day of. A quick trip to your local thrift store and drug store can usually save the day. A couple years ago I put together a pretty accurate Pippi Longstocking costume the day of for around $15 (I purchased a dress, scarf that I turned into a legging, chunky shoes and a pillowcase at the thrift store. I picked up temporary red hairspray at the drug store). For last minute costumes, think of characters that are iconic and easily identified with distinct traits (e.g. Pippi’s red braids sticking up and her patchwork dress; Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s; Zorro with his mask/hat/cape and all black)

EI!: Dressing as a hobo – offensive or nostalgic?

CM: Every year I see people dressed as hobos… and though some are better than others I think the more accurate you get the more offensive you are as well. I also feel like that’s a bit of a cop out – there are thousands of other costumes out there that can be just as easy to make but take only a little more creative thinking.

EI!: Lots of women like to dress sexy on Halloween and this often involves wearing really short skirts. Should we move Halloween to a warmer month?

If only Audrey and Che had been a couple in real life!

CM: If you’ve chosen to dress sexy, sheer/flesh colored tights are a girls best friend on Halloween. Ones specifically made for dancers are usually more durable and warmer. Also, they’ll make your legs and bum look better in person AND in pictures.

EI!: Sarah Palin and the Joker were popular costumes in 2008. What’s your prediction for the most popular costume of 2009?

CM: I think the Watchmen costumes will be popular (a good choice if you want to be sexy AND be an actual character known for that). Unfortunately, I also think Michael Jackson/Farrah Fawcett/Patrick Swayze will also be popular this year.

EI!: If you find yourself wearing the same costume as someone else at a party, how can you possibly salvage your reputation?

Chad probably ran into a few other Captain Jack Sparrows that year, but only he can do a spot on Johnny Depp impression.

CM: If you’ve made your own costume, chances are yours will be better than someone who just purchased it from the rack – where’s the creativity in that?! Or, if you have purchased it from the rack – make sure to add on some specific details: get the makeup and hair just right, make sure to get your shoes or feet covering spot on, and add a detail that didn’t come with the canned costume. Finally, if you see the same costume (or even a close similarity) just laugh it off and make sure your friends take a picture of you both together so everyone knows your’re not stewing in the corner over it.

EI!: If you were going to MacGyver a costume out of objects and materials that you can see from wherever you are right now, what would you make?

CM: I’m at our home computer right now so there aren’t that many items around besides paper and our bar behind me… but there are a couple ideas I can spot. I see my yoga mat, so I could go as a yoga instructor/fitness instructor and lug that around with me everywhere (a funnier version would be to go as a Bikram instructor and have my hair and outfit wet with my makeup running down my face). Or, there is a pack of Post-it notes here too and someone could get extra creative and completely cover themselves in them like the Office Space movie poster – you’d have to rig a good adhesive method with that though.

Extra points for creativity. Dr. Strange and Sailor Moon!

I Made It Myself: Homemade Peanut Butter Granola

I Made It Myself is a series where I document my attempts to cook food that I would normally pay someone else to make, or buy in a package.

There are two things in this world I know to be true. First, I could eat peanut butter every day for the rest of my life. And second, granola is also pretty good. So for this third edition of IMIM, I present: homemade peanut butter granola! So delicious and so easy.

I modified this recipe from my favorite white collar criminal. The modification I made was to skip the part about cutting it into bars. That seemed too laborious. Instead, I just crumbled it up and ate it out of tupperware. Additionally, I took the liberty of adapting the recommended “16 servings” into “1 and a half servings.”

Peanut Butter Granola Bars

Ingredients:

Makes 16

• 1/2 cup old-fashioned oats
• 1/2 cup sliced almonds
• 1/2 cup dried cranberries
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup light brown sugar
• 1/2 cup natural peanut butter or almond butter
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 large egg white

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Line an 8-inch square baking pan with 2 crisscrossed rectangles of parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overhang at 2 opposite ends. In a large bowl, combine oats, almonds and cranberries.
2. In a small saucepan, whisk together oil, brown sugar, peanut butter, cinnamon, salt and 1 tablespoon water over low heat until sugar has dissolved, about 5 minutes. Let cool slightly; whisk in egg white. Pour over at mixture; stir until moistened. Spread evenly in bottom of pan; smooth top.
3. Bake until top is firm, about 30 minutes. Let cool 10 minutes. Lift out of pan, using paper as handles. Let cool completely, cut into bars with serrated knife.

Because some things are better the 37th time

I have a Sunday brunch tradition with my friend Maddie. We have teatime at my office every Thursday at 4pm. I have chocolate chip pancakes every year on my birthday.

I really like traditions.*  They provide stability and something to look forward to; they give context and structure to my calendar; and I think they appeal to my natural desire to turn everything into a system. If I could live my life in alphabetical order, I probably would.

Some good ones: seeing a movie or two (or three) on Christmas; sending myself a postcard from every place I travel; making myself a cake on the anniversary of the day I dropped out of college; watching Lost at Zoe’s apartment (that one is, unfortunately, retired since Zoe moved to stupid Massachusetts); and going to Hawaii every five years (in my book, doing something twice counts as a tradition).

Two new ones I’m considering: an annual scavenger hunt for my friends; and doing something scary on my birthday.

What about you? What are your favorite traditions?

I'll be gumming these on my 100th birthday.

* I’m not so much into the idea of “traditional marriage” (sometimes known as “opposite marriage”) or any kind of “traditional values” really. In that sense, tradition is for suckers.