My Oscar night predictions! Just kidding. I don’t care.

14 Feb

Oscar StatuettesThe Academy Awards are next Sunday, February 22nd, but I don’t have any Oscar Party advice to share. Though I used to really enjoy watching award shows, I now find them pretty excruciating. Here’s why:

  • Even people who are typically funny are not funny when hosting award shows. These shows shatter the illusion that Jon Stewart is funny all the time, and I want to believe that he is, even when he’s cleaning his microwave or doing his taxes.
  • I don’t care/know about fashion and I think talking about the way people look is mean and awkward.
  • I can’t watch anything for three and a half hours.
  • I am weirded out by the part where an animated character gives an award.
  • Roberto Benigni is usually not nominated, so the likelihood of seeing him walk across all the chairs is relatively low.
  • During the In Memoriam video, someone will likely get lots of applause and then the next person will get none. The contrast makes me feel yucky.
  • I was overlooked this year.

Instead of tips for throwing an Oscar viewing party, here are some easy suggestions for rebelling against the Oscars:

  • Make an award for someone who has contributed something to the world besides their pretty face.
  • Read a book; I’m pretty sure it’s better than the movie.
  • Talk with someone and let them finish, rather than cutting them off with orchestral music like you usually do.
  • Remember to thank your spouse, but forget to thank your lawyer.
  • Make gift bags full of expensive stuff and don’t give them to the richest people you know.
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4 Responses to “My Oscar night predictions! Just kidding. I don’t care.”

  1. hannahkane February 14, 2009 at 9:44 pm #

    My boyfriend has pointed out that this post is kind of mean, so I just want to clarify that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being an actor, or a screenwriter, or a film editor. In fact, I believe that artists contribute a lot to the world, and, really, the most important thing is that you just follow your heart.

    I also think it’s okay if you care about fashion, or if you really love the Oscars. I get that. I was moved by Cuba Gooding, Jr’s acceptance speech, too.

    I’m just not that into it this year, that’s all.

  2. marj February 15, 2009 at 6:03 pm #

    Although I am hosting an Oscar Party, I thought this was hilarious. I didn’t think you were out to hurt anyone. I just took it as mainly tongue and cheek. So much of the Oscars are crap, but it’s fun none-the-less.

  3. hannahkane February 15, 2009 at 6:22 pm #

    Thanks, Marj. I don’t want to be too snarky, but, yes, so much of the Oscars are crap! You’d think some of the winners had just won the Nobel Peace Prize! (Well, I guess in Al Gore’s case, that was true. :))

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  1. Happy blogiversary to me! « Everybody’s Invited! - January 1, 2010

    […] My Oscar night predictions! Just kidding. I don’t care. by Flickr user Jessica N. Diamond […]

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